Broken Forever.

Sometimes, I think I have lost all feeling inside - Feeling about my self. It's strange to me. I have an amazing life. I have an amazing family, wonderful friends. We have achieved quite a bit in our young lives, to put us in the position we are in now, we're quite rich when it comes to "assets" and we're happy, I love my life with Clinton. I think he's perfect, and there's no other place I'd wanna be, other than here with him..

Then there's me. I cannot fathom, how anyone could look at me and love me. I think it's such a shame, that I am still the same me. I feel sorry for Clinton that he has to put up with me on a daily basis. I feel like I'm the one who brings the team down, and people let me know it too, I'm the gold digger. Or I'm "hardly working", while Clinton slaves away. I'm too impatient. I argue too much. I get everything wrong. I just do not like myself. If I wasn't me, if I was someone else, I wouldn't want to me know.

I hate feeling this way. Some days, I think that my mind is changing and it doesn't believe these things it tells itself anymore, that I'm starting to get better, like actually better.. Not just a quick fix. Then other days, I feel like I am going to be broken forever.. I just have to keep swimming and hope that I'll always have Clinton, right beside me, to lead me back to the shallows, where it's safe, together.

I love him more than life itself.